Gratitude Journal - Psalm 139:14

"I look too fat, don't I?"

My mom, half paying attention, asked me this question, as she stood in front of her full-length bedroom mirror.  She was smoothing the sleeves of her new sweater.   I sat on the floor watching. 

At 8 years old, this was one of the earliest, most repeated memories of my beautiful mom.

Whether she knew it or not, her words stung me.  Confused me.  How could someone so beautiful think so poorly of herself?

As I grew older, I exhibited the same self-destructive thinking patterns.  I'd lean into the bathroom mirror and press on my nose.  

"Too big."  I thought.   

I'd pull back my hair.  "Too thick,"  I said.

I'd go to my job.  "Too eager," I'd criticize.

"Too trusting."  

"Too different."

Forgetting my real worth eventually led to all sorts of disfunction -- relationship problems, body image issues,  panic attacks, anxiety.     

And then I had a daughter of my own.  I was broken.   I realized that I didn't want to pass this poison along to her.

Frankly, there are thousands of flaws I could find in myself (believe-you-me, I have fretted over them & tried fixing!)   And I will always aim to be better than I was yesterday.   But, how does lamenting over my "faults" express gratitude in any way to my Maker?   It doesn't.  I imagine that it stings Him, even more than my mom's words stung me.  

So today,  I am grateful not just for my awesome loved ones;  I am going to be grateful for me too.   

Because we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 



What do you like best about you?  :)